My hubby was supposed to teach Sunday school today. Well, he got stuck in Birmingham, so guess who got to do it? Yours truly! Which is so funny because I just found out about it last night! I love to teach. I really enjoy watching faces when they realize some truth about God that he has used me to bring. It may have been something that they really knew all along or heard time and time again, but at that moment it changes their life. Wow. What an honor to be a part of that! I usually have more time to prepare though. About 9pm I knew I needed to call my sweet friend to pray with me. She did and in that time of sharing with me she said that this would be not only an opportunity to share a piece of what God was doing in me through my morphing revelation of grace, but an opportunity for him to SHOW me his grace. Well, I knew in my spirit that something was going to happen and I was going to have to depend on him to get me through the morning. We were both right!
I sat at the table in my kitchen trying to get my thoughts together and reading more and more words out of the bible and more and more words out of books and they started getting all jumbled up and I was chasing rabbits for about 2 hours. The Holy Spirit spoke to me and said basically, "Go to bed, I'll tell you in the morning." The amazing thing was that I was OK with that! What is this strange peace? Where is my normal anxiety over "performance"? I've never gone to bed before a teaching and not finished the session, I would stay up until 5am if necessary, just so I could make things right! But see, today wasn't about me. It was all about HIM and what HE wanted to say through me, a willing vessel. So I did the most crazy thing I could possibly do at that moment....I went to bed and totally relaxed! Just after I closed my eyes and took a couple of really deep breaths- BAM! My 3 bullet points complete with scripture verses and stories! It was morning all right, 2AM to be exact! It took all of 20 minutes to write out and jump back into bed. God is giving me the grace to obey him. Ahhh! Trust. Back to basics.
Here's the kicker...This morning as I was typing out my points and inserting the verses via Bible Gateway, the power went out! It was 8:30am! I wasn't dressed! I had to leave at 8:45! Yikes! Peace or Panic? I laughed out loud-VERY FUNNY GOD! I chose peace. I chose to have grace for myself. I've never chosen grace for myself before! This is how GOD SEES ME!! He is giving me HIS eyes for myself! (Didn't I just ask him for this like....yesterday??!) I knew that even if I never printed out any of it to take with me, that he was in charge. If it's meant to be, it's really NOT all up to me! I just need to obey. Things ran like clockwork all the way to church. Singing and chatting with my girls. It was one of the loveliest church rides we've had in their short lives. He was with me.
The lesson went so well. The Holy Spirit spoke through me the entire time, not just in flashes or spurts. I believe that his point was made. I know that communicating is a gift God has given me, so when fear sets in I usually go into default mode and tough it out through my own merit. Today was different. Today was...dare I say.....easy? "For my yoke is easy and my burden is lite"-Matthew 11:30. The burdens I place on myself are dreadfully heavy and cumbersome. If I don't balance them just right, I'm off the road and in the mud, quick! My expectations for myself far outweigh his. I believe it was Beth Moore who said something to the effect of, "I'm my own worst enemy. Who needs the devil?".
I know everyday won't be like today. I'm just thinking I may have a few more of them than before. Tomorrow would be a nice start.
"You will keep in perfect peace those who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you!" Isaiah 26:3