I can't really say I'm going nowhere, I'm definitely going somewhere and that somewhere is straight to 40 in 80 days! But lately, I have felt like I'm going nowhere fast- spiritually. Kind of in a spiritual rut. Is it too early for me to have a mid-life spiritual crisis? I am very happy with my life. I have a great husband and great children. Everything is just, well, great. I feel really spoiled. I feel itchy. I feel like my cup is brimming over with no saucer to catch the excess. I feel fattened up on blessing. I need a change, not in the direction of my life-I have peace that I'm on the right track, but in the direction of my heart, my spirit. It doesn't have to be huge, but I want it to move me. I want God to move me.
I just got back from a pre-birthday trip to NYC. I loved it. Every time I go I love it more and I see something different that will stick with me forever. This time it was a man on the subway asking for money. He was tattooed with prison ink, announcing he was a felon and couldn't get a job. There was no way to ignore him. He was LOUD and if you've ever ridden the subway in NYC, no one talks, hardly at all. They are all in their own world. I can't blame them. When you are used to seeing 10,000 different people a day, if you said 'Hey there!' to all of them you would never leave the train! He was almost impossible to ignore, yet it was possible. There in my face, this man was laying out his heart and I diverted my eyes and ignored him along with the 50 other people. I thought...he could be lying and just lazy. As he continued his plea, I felt God show up in the train car. My heart got heavier and heavier, my eyes stung as the Holy Spirit spoke so softly to my heart-"It doesn't matter how he got where he is, he is here now and he needs Me." I panicked. I couldn't get off that train fast enough. I raced up the stairs to let the icy air cool my red-hot face and cried out to the Lord, "Oh God! What do I do?! There are millions of desperate people in this one city and billions on this planet and I'm just one girl!"
He gently reminded me that He had given me a small plan a few months ago. There was something I could do.
Option 1: I had read Facebook posts from a girl who was turning 30 and every day for 30 days leading up to her birthday someone somewhere did something wonderful for her. Wow! How nice!
Option 2: I also read a blog about a different girl turning 30 and on her birthday she did 30 selfless acts for random people. She hauled her kids and husband all over town in their mini van to drop off goodies, visit the nursing home, hide gift cards at Starbucks in the napkins and pay for the person behind them at Mickey D's.
Seeing as Option 1 is probably not gonna happen, I picked more of an Option 2. I just think mine is gonna be really different.
So, for the next 40 days before the 40 days before my 40th birthday (got that?) I will be in the prep phase. Praying, fasting, and asking God for direction on how to handle my last 40 days of being 39-my 40 B4 40. I'm so excited I could pop!
There ARE some things I can do!
I can choose to fast on and off and pray for 40 days in the prep phase for God to reveal His plan for me to give myself away to others instead of selfishly focusing on new wrinkles, lost dreams of the past and disappointments surely to come if no one throws me a big 40 surprise party! ;) Face Forward!
I can choose to open myself up to the Holy Spirit's direction and ask my Father to do what only He can do through me for the 40 straight days before my birthday. Open, listen, hear, act. He may or may not give me a road map. He may or may not give me anything. This could be really interesting, or really boring!
Will you pray for me and with me for the Lord to use me to bring people to Him through creatively blessing them? Would you pray that God gives me grace to be consistent and dedicated in my prayers, fasting and blogging? Would you please pray that I can clearly hear His voice and heart through this and see people through His eyes?
I have NO IDEA what to expect but I do feel like this is a game changer for this season of my life.
Would you like to join me in this challenge? I'm looking for cool stuff to happen even before my 40 day countdown begins on January 12, 2014. I will share periodically what I learn in my devotions during the prep phase and then will try to daily share my experiences during my 40 B4 40.
I'm going somewhere now, baby, come with me!
He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep, to gain what he cannot lose.- Jim Elliot
Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. John 15:13